Among us are friends, family, and loved ones who care and provide for our well-being. Our appreciation for those around us, no matter what time of year it is, is based on their work and presence. These sentiments are most prominent come wintertime, where most families celebrate Christmas and other cultural, spiritual, and social gatherings. Although this is traditionally a time to enjoy each other’s company and renew families ties, one large and often heavy factor is in the way: food.
All gatherings involve at least one instance of consuming food or drink. This is not to say that eating and drinking are not appropriate. Instead, they are not always enjoyed by everyone in the room. It is an overgeneralization to assume that everyone has a healthy relationship with food. Approximately one million Canadians have a diagnosed eating disorder, which is considered as having Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, Avoidance Restrictive Food Intake Disorder and Otherwise Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder. The problem with this statistic is that it only includes those who sought to get diagnosed.
An eating disorder is not a minor illness that can be disregarded and put on a shelf when social gatherings occur. Instead, enduring an eating disorder means that all social, professional, and personal interactions which involve food become an event of anxiety, stress, guilt, and shame. Often family and friends are the last people made known of a loved one’s eating disorder. Ultimately, it is simpler to avoid the topic altogether as family and friends may not understand the severity of the illness.
It is disappointing to reduce an entire crisis of mental illness to the social stigma associated with eating disorders. Often, being labelled as having an eating disorder reflects weakness and lack of self-control. It is difficult to find news outlets producing news on eating disorders or their impacts on emerging youth. With this in mind, it is little known that eating disorders have the highest overall mortality rate of any mental illness, with estimates between 10-15 percent of sufferers losing their lives.
The magic and joy of family and social celebrations are lost on some who fail to have a traditional relationship with food. For many, there is no question. To eat is to live. There is no question of over or under-eating. Until recently, many people who have lived without knowing about eating disorders find it difficult to comprehend having an eating disorder. With this in mind, sufferers are meticulous in hiding their actions and undoubtedly omitting their symptoms from the ones they love.
One common understanding behind eating disorders is that youth, often women, are striving for control. They are aiming for a version of themselves that only exists on screen or paper. The media does an excellent job of degrading and demoralizing the female population into believing they need to alter their diet to improve their image.
Unfortunately, much of this social conditioning emerges at social and family events in the wintertime. Prospects for women are glim: eat a second plate that is considered too much or avoid a second plate and risk insulting the ones who cook. Rather than allowing for a comfortable and stress-free gathering, women are often under strict social perceptions of beauty.
What’s the use?
Often, I think of the benefits of forgoing social and family gatherings altogether. Beauty far outweighs the joys of homecooked meals and family chatting. That is not to say that all events should be withheld in the interest of self-protection. Instead, there are limits to which one must subject themselves to constant reminders of dissatisfaction.
Women consist of over eighty percent of those diagnosed with an eating disorder. Unrealistically thin ideals, a rise in celebrity culture, and society’s tendency to objectify women contribute to the increase of women experiencing eating disorders. Further, beauty consistently equates to power, meaning that prettier women have more excellent personal and professional opportunities. Although significant pressure is put on women to maintain a thin figure, more important is the fear of gaining weight.
Linking the Body and the Mind
One extreme summer, I entered high school in a different body. From that point on, (most) of my peers talked to me with respect. I lost a significant amount of weight, despite no one around me questioning my methods of success. I carried on.
During my first week of classes, one of my teachers went up to me personally and congratulated me on “an amazing job,” as if I had finally succeeded at being a woman. But, unfortunately, by passing as a thin person, I could weave my way into the dominant social groups. In turn, I lost all sense of identity and personal agency. That one interaction never leaves my mind; it characterizes the fear and dread of relapsing or, rather, gaining weight.
More people need to speak out about this issue, men, women, and everyone who experiences eating disorders. Without meaningful discussions, society will continue to label eating disorder sufferers as weak and avoid speaking out or seeking help. Creating a safe and aware space for sufferers to speak out enables more people to access resources and supports previously avoided. Primarily, the shame, guilt, and frustration directed inwards inhibit sufferers from seeking help.
Family, friends, and loved ones have a critical role in opening the dialogues and addressing eating disorders. By knowing someone who is understanding and aware of eating disorders, sufferers are more inclined to ask for support and help before the illness becomes damaging and fatal.
Wintertime is the perfect season for friends, family gatherings, and mending relationships – with people and food. Unfortunately, the only way to achieve understanding is to have uncomfortable conversations with those you trust. I look forward to the day when eating disorders are no longer the “othered” mental illness and as widely known as depression and anxiety.
Until then, it is essential to mend relationships with those around you and to celebrate the holiday season with awareness, understanding, and empathy. Approaching family and friend relationships with compassion regarding eating disorders will lead to more significant social insights that bodies are evolving. They are constantly changing and will continue to until our last breaths.
Loving Yourself
Every acne bump, scar, bruise, un-tweezed eyebrow, and unwaxed-upper lip will not characterize the demise of the human race. Social perceptions of beauty are just that; they are created through social interactions. We all have the power to change this within our communities, meaning that the daily interactions we have reflected our rooted understandings of beauty.
Manifesting this self-reflection and self-appreciation takes more than a conversation. It also takes self-love. Women are at risk of developing eating disorders and are most targeted by social impositions of beauty standards. In light of this, this holiday season, take a moment to consider yourself and your relationships with others. Consider your family and friends’ relationships with food and whether someone you love is experiencing an eating disorder. Develop empathy, compassion, and social cohesion with those around you as you grow, learn and adapt together.
Monica Basilli writes weekly for Ladiescorner.ca
