I should write weekly here and for my space with Africa Extended. I had this thing with Sahara Reporters till that stopped being a thing.
The exact moment evades me, but it dawned on me that my daughter, who is 12 and going on 13, will leave me. In the circle of life, she will move to University and then to Los Angeles, where she wants to work and live, and I will be here all alone.
It felt during that split second that I could feel that moment in time when I came home to me! My shoes, mug, etc. were exactly where I had left them. No piano recitals, no swimming lessons, no requests to spend afternoons in the library reading, no battles for the sofa or the remote control etc
I guess being scared of being an empty nester frightens me.
But is this a thing? How many people dread this moment, or they look forward to it?
I know if my daughter tells me she wants to go to Japan, Timbuktu or back to England, I won’t stand in her way. My dad never stopped me from becoming all I am, and I won’t put up barriers. Heck, I will even buy her the ticket.
I know where her heart is. As beautiful as Alberta is, my daughter’s heart is in the United States of America. We came to the wrong country!
I have ruminated on what happens when the time comes. Do I tag along with her to University or to LA? Do I begin to get my life mobile so when she is ready, we go together?
My mind is a mess.
This is how I cope – I think. Ruminate. Get grumpy.
And then, finally, write.
My Femi will leave – one day- at a predetermined time in the future. And no, I won’t be going with her. My mum didn’t leave her job to accompany me to the United Kingdom when I first left home decades ago. Mummy is not here with me as I type.
I should have the confidence that the work I am doing with her will be enough for when she has her first kiss and her first wins. And whatever else life brings.
I know somehow, I will suffer for all I did to my mum: I don’t call as often as I should etc. Femi will do the same. She will call when she wants to. If we quarrel, I would apologize quickly, so she does not write me off.
Perhaps, thinking about tomorrow, I can soften some of my hardline stance around bedtime etc.
My epiphany was a rude awakening.
A way out is to consider adoption maybe or fostering. Ideally, I would love to adopt a child from East Africa, preferably an Ethiopian girl. Perhaps, I could try being a foster parent first and see how that works out for me.
Or I could enjoy each day with Femi till she leaves.
Or I could rearrange my priorities, find a man and get married. This is easier conceptually than in reality, actually.
Can I ask you to re-imagine your life in the next decade? What are you looking forward to? What can you change to make your thoughts about the next decade easier? Change is the only constant life offers us. We should learn to accept life and it changes it brings now and in the future.
Tee Adeyemo writes for LCCMedia; when she is not thinking about writing, she is creating content here.
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