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Jacqueline Biollo is a columnist with Ladiescorner.ca

Someone else’s decision | Jacqueline Biollo, MBA, ICD.D

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Apparently, blue and green are the lucky and invigorating colours this year. The Lunar New Year of the Rabbit, according to the Chinese zodiac. Although I would have chosen the colour chartreuse, much like decisions that impact or influence our lives, albeit directly or indirectly, this year’s colours, which are meant to reflect peace and softness, were someone else’s decision and not mine.

Many individuals are entering this new year anxious, prudent, or even eager for a myriad of reasons. Whatever it is for you, own it, call it by name, acknowledge its presence, and then choose to find balance in your life with hope and prosperity.

But how can you achieve balance, hope, or prosperity when someone else makes decisions that impact or influence your life? Why is it easier for some to make decisions for someone else rather than for themselves? Based on my research (and personal experience), often, these techniques influence or distance someone’s perspective, attitude, or point of view.

To influence someone else’s decision, try making it clear there is a decision to make rather than making it for them. Use past experiences, or expand on the relevance of the decision to a person’s belief system or values. Realize, however, that we do not have to accept, approve, understand, or agree with someone else’s decision.

But how do you cope with someone else’s decision, especially when it tears at your heartstrings, messes with your mind, impacts your work environment, or leaves you to consider, ‘What choice did I have?’. Depending on your relationship with this person, you may choose to either speak up and share your thoughts about their decision, or you may hold your peace.

It’s been said that there are ways to disagree with someone respectfully. Still, it is equally important to forgive someone you feel may have taken away your ability to choose or decide something for yourself without their interference. 

All too often, though, decisions are personal, so it’s difficult to avoid putting down the other person’s ideas and beliefs – but you must try. Resist the temptation to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments. Instead, use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Additionally, try to listen to the other person’s point of view. Be a good listener, and stay calm.

Someone else’s decision may create an opportunity for you to share ideas, learn from one another, and work toward a common goal. So, regardless of whether you’re making a decision for yourself or someone else, recognize, respect, and acknowledge the right of others to make their own decision and validate their thoughts and feelings associated with the decision(s) they’ve made. #YouAreWorthIt

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The best part of Jacqueline’s day is positively influencing other people’s lives. But even at that, when someone else’s decision negatively impacts her, she’s been known to let her emotions get the best of her, and her vulnerabilities overshadow her self-confidence. Biollo, like so many others, is a work in progress. She looks forward to a year that promises less anxiety and uncertainty, and the opportunity to be transformed while she pursues her future goals and objectives.

Photo by: Coral Konanz Photography | HMUA by: Krysta Jayne

 

 

 

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